Somehow we missed this gem from Chicagoist about Danny's doorman Stephen Sowley's Tumblr-fueled lamenting about "the assholes" that have infiltrated the hipster bar in his past six years of working there (Ugh! Our business is thriving because we didn't realize we were helping gentrify Bucktown! What a bummer!).
To Sowley's credit, a number of assholes do, in fact, patronize Danny's. These are also the same assholes that co-exist with the rest of Chicago. Unfortunately, Wrigleyville isn't capable of sequestering its entire population, so these things happen. But your patronage is killing him! Sowley writes, "a bad night involves me waking up the next morning, having a cup of coffee and realizing a very tiny part of my soul has died." To alleviate his suffering, Sowley has provided some tips for helping him live another day:
Cash Only: "Yes, the bar is cash only and no we do not have an ATM. Let's get the easy one out of the way. Look around you...where would we put a stupid ATM machine? Yeah exactly. Half a block south of here, that's where our ATM machine is." Fair enough, most bars are cash only to avoid the expense of credit card fees, though these same establishments often have ATMs because they realize it's an inconvenience to send your paying customers two blocks down. But he also confesses "it's somewhat of a filter...like rain, it keeps certain people away. By that I mean assholes that can let their alcoholism help sink the national economic system."
ID: "If you’re going out you should have ID. I don’t care how weathered, grizzled, old, and wrecked you look, I need ID. You know why I need ID? Because it’s the law, and at any given time a cop can come in and be a cop. [...] Also, your little asides, and passive aggressive remarks? Fuck you. This is something that takes 30 seconds at most, and now you’ve taken up two minutes of my time. You didn’t get your way, and now I want to set you on fire. Also TAKE YOUR ID OUT OF YOUR WALLET. Don’t just flash it to me like you’re Alonzo Mosley or some shit."
Capacity, “The Line,” and you: "When we reach capacity, we have to start a line. I take no joy in it; a couple years ago, we arbitrarily made up the line based on how packed the room was. Well, the fire department busted us and shut us down for three days. Since then we’ve played ball. I really want everyone to get in and have a good time, but I refuse to do that at the expense of the fire department shutting us down. So now we have a line. It’s an egalitarian system, and when one person leaves for the night, one can go in. If there’s 20 people in the line, that’s how long the wait is."
Don't Piss On Our Neighbor's Building: "They keep us open more than you do. If you need to piss, come see me. I’ll take your ID, you can walk in use the bathroom and come back out and wait in line." This is to avoid the eight "tough looking Latino dudes" from coming outside and being upset/speaking to you, or whatever.
So there you have it. Danny's barman probably won't be too happy to see you on Friday or Saturday night, will make you go down the block for cash, then wait in line, and promptly wants to check your ID and never speak to you again.